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I sing in the shower and dance in the kitchen

Monday, August 24, 2009

Persian Love -- I didn't write this but would marry who did

1

Ah! My beard swept the floor of the tavern last night. I bid farewell to good and bad, and if they fall in my street like two bullets, you’ll find me - if you’re looking for me - sleeping like a drunk.

2

I fell asleep and a sage spoke to me: “The rose of happiness has never blossomed for anyone while he sleeps. Why give yourself up to the brother of death? Drink wine, you have centuries to sleep.”

3

Every bed of tulips was nourished with the blood of kings. Every lily that springs from the earth was once a beauty spot on a lover’s cheek.

4

To drink wine and embrace beauty is better than the hypocrisy of believers. If lovers and drunks were sent to hell, no-one would believe in heaven.

5

Beloved dervish, with your body wrapped in that arabesque veil ... rather than sacrifice your body to that veil, throw the weight of poverty on your shoulders and drums will beat royal marches in your heart.

6

Imitate the libertines as much as you can. Blow up the foundations of prayer and abstinence, and listen to the words of Omar Khayyam: “Get high and fly through the sky.”

7

I’ve been beyond being and non-being. I’ve been inside everything high and low. It would bring shame to my knowledge of the world if I found something higher than drunkenness.

8

Today the season of youth blossomed for me. I want the wine that brings all pleasure. Don’t blame me, wine enchants me. It’s bitter because it tastes like my life.

9

For us now, all that remains of happiness is the name. No old friend lasts as long as the youngest wine. Raise your cup because today, it’s the only thing that can save us.

10

I drink wine and everyone tells me: “Don’t drink wine, it’s the enemy of religion.” When I found out that wine was the enemy of religion, I said: “By God, let me drink its blood - it’s an act of piety.”

11

Who cares if life ends here or there? Once the cup is full, who cares if it’s been bitter or sweet? Drink wine, for after we pass the moon will pass from old to new, and from new to old again and again.

12

No-one knows the secrets of darkness. No-one has stepped out of the shadows. Oh, woman, what sinister mouth did you kiss to give birth to helpless fools like us?

13

Drink wine, it’s what remains of the harvest of youth - the season of roses and wine and drunken friends. Be happy for a moment, that moment’s your life.

14

Be prudent - fortune is uncertain and the wine of destiny is always bitter. If fate puts sweet morsels in your mouth, don’t swallow them; they’re laced with poison.

15

Wine is a liquid ruby and the cup a mine. No, that’s not it. The cup is the body and the wine its soul. No, no, the crystal cup laughing with wine is a tear hiding the blood of a broken heart.

16

We’ve come back to our habitual debauch. Full of desire, I put my lips to the cup to ask how long I’ll live. She glued her lips to mine and said: “Drink wine, you’ll never come back to this world.”

17

We all get wiped out on the path of love. Destiny drinks our last dreg. Waitress with the soft face, don’t be lazy now. Give me wine because I’m becoming dust.

18

Like water in a stream, or wind across the desert, another day of your life passes. One sorrow never comes to mind - that of two days: the day to come, and the day that passed.

19

Be happy, Khayyam, if you’re drunk. If you’re with a tulip-cheeked lover, be happy. As the end of everything is nothing, dream that you’re nothing. But while you’re still something, be happy.

20

Mysteries should only be unveiled by vile minds, and impenetrable secrets by fools. Think about your actions compared to others - for now you should hide your hopes from all of humanity.

21

Don’t waste your time on sorrows, be festive. In the face of injustice, be the example of justice. Since the end of this world is nothingness, imagine you don’t exist and be free.

22

Every morning, dew covers the tulips. Violets lower their heads in the garden. In truth, nothing moves me like the bud of a rose gathering up her skirt.

23

This heavenly vault that inspires so much wonder is a magic lantern. The sun is the lamp and the world its shade. And we’re the images that live in it.

24

I have to get up and find some wine. It makes my cheeks scandalously red. And if reason continues to torment me, I’ll throw wine in its face...to make it go to sleep.

25

You with the cheeks modeled on wild roses. You with the face cast from the idols of China. Yesterday, your loving look changed the king of Babylon into a fool.

26

Those who are slaves of the intellect and vain subtleties die amid quarrels on being and non-being. Go on, choose the juice of the grape, because idiots, having eaten dry raisins, turn into grapes.

27

No-one can pass behind the curtain of secrets, no-one knows what’s under the surface. There’s no asylum except in the heart of the earth. Drink wine, these illusions are endless.

28

My arrival adds nothing to the heavens. And my departure doesn’t diminish their beauty or glory. No-one has told me the reason for this arrival and departure of mine. No-one.

29

When they attack you in the night, ask them to bring you rose-colored wine. Poor fool, you’re not a treasure that’s dug up after it’s been buried.

30

In spring, on the banks of a stream or on the fringes of a green field with a few friends and nymphs, bring along the bottle for those who drink the morning draft, for those who are free from the mosque, temple and church.

31

I only dreamed of the heavens as a resting place, and I cried so much I could hardly see them. Hell is only a spark compared to what my soul just went through, and I won’t believe in heaven until I taste an instant of peace.

32

Drink wine because you’ll sleep for a long time under this earth ... without friends, comrades, women. Grow old never telling this secret to anyone: withered flowers never blossom again.

33

What I want is a drop of ruby wine, a book of poems, and a half a loaf of bread to sustain my life. And if I’m sitting with you, even in a desolate desert, I’d be happier than in the kingdom of a sultan.

34

Spill a little red wine, the color of budding tulips. Pour the pure blood from the throat of the bottle because, apart from this cup, I don’ exist - it’s the only pure-hearted friend I have.

35

If I was free to come, I wouldn’t have come. If I could control my steps, where would I go? Wouldn’t it be better in this world of dust if there were no coming or going.

36

Since nothing assures us of tomorrow, change your lovesick heart into a happy one. In the light of the astral moon, drink wine. We could look for it tomorrow and never see it again.

37

Don’t make too many friends and only let your guard down for brief moments. He whose arm seems like a support, check him out and be careful.

38

Woe to the heart that beats without passion, that isn’t charmed by love, the joy of the heart ... Every day you spend without love? Why it’s not worth the sun that shines for you or the moon that consoles you.

39

To speak clearly and without parables, we’re pieces in the game played by fate; it’s amused with our moves on the chessboard of being, and then we return, one by one, into the box of nothingness.

40

Get up and get me some wine. It this the time for hollow words? Today, your little mouth satisfies all my desires. Give me rose-colored wine, the color of your cheeks.

41

Everything that will be, was written. The tireless pen writes without worrying about good or bad. The first day it decided what will be; our pain and efforts are in vain.

42

Drink wine, it’s eternal life. It’s what remains in you of youthful delights. It burns like fire, turning sorrows into the fountain of youth. Drink!

43

I want my epitaph to read like this: Friends, once you’re reunited, think tenderly of me. When you drink the generous wine together, and it’s my turn, empty your cup to the bottom.

44

Drink wine, one day your body will be dust. And of that dust will be made cups and jars. Don’t worry about heaven and hell - why would a sage worry about such things?

45

In defense of wine, recall that everything depends on who drinks it, its quality and on the company. Once these conditions are favorable, you might ask: “Who drinks wine, if not a sage?”

46

Khayyam, working in the tents of wisdom, fell into the fire of sadness and was consumed at once. The scissors of destiny cut the cord of his tent and the salesman of hope sold it for a song.

47

In a thousand places along my path you set traps. You say: “I’ll catch you if you step in one of these.” There’s not an atom in this world that escapes your power. You ordain everything, and you call me a rebel.

48

If this spirit called pure wine is the cure for a devastated heart, then bring me two or three cups. Why, I ask, is this great drink called the accursed share?

49

For those who know the mysteries of this world, happiness and sadness are identical. Since both good and bad come to an end, who cares if everything is pain or bliss?

50

How long will I throw stones to the sea? I’m disgusted with the idolaters of the temple. Who knows for sure if Khayyam will dwell in hell? And who has ever gone to hell? And who again, has ever come back from heaven?

51

If a nymph came to me in spring with a goblet full of wine on the fringe of a green field, and even if this seems strange to everyone, a dog would be better than me if I invoked the name of heaven.

52

Good and bad are part of human nature just as happiness and sadness are in our destiny. Don’t accuse heaven of this, because heaven is a thousand times more helpless than you.

53

I could care less if I was made for heaven or hell. But a little to eat, a little wine and my lover on a green field - that’s cash for me. Keep the heaven you give so much credit - keep it for yourself.

54

Today, tomorrow is beyond you, and your anxiety over it is useless. If your heart isn’t momentarily deranged, you don’t even worry about the present. Do you know what the rest of your days are worth?

55

The intelligence that walks the path of bliss talks to me a hundred times a day: “You’re not like the grass that once picked, grows again.”

56

Limit your desires for the things of the world and live at ease. Detach yourself from the good and bad around you. Lift a cup to your lover’s lips, for soon these days will pass.

57

It’s said that the garden of Eden enchants the nymph. I say that only the juice of the grape is delightful. Keep your cash and forgo credit because the sound of the drum, my brother, is only delightful from afar.

58

The heavenly bodies bewilder sages. Take care or you’ll lose the thread of wisdom, for even the wise lose their minds.

59

The caravan of life passes mysteriously. Climb aboard for the joy of the ride. And you with the bottle, why worry about the future of your friends? Pour the wine, the night is passing.

60

Bring me that ruby wine in a crystal glass, that confidant and friend of every free man. Since you know that this world of dust is only a passing breeze, bring on the wine.

61

Like me, this bottle has been a painful lover, avidly tilted toward some sweet face. The handle you see on its neck is the hand that was once wrapped around the neck of a lover.

62

Everyone who waters the plant of love never wastes a day of their lives. And that’s if they submit to the will of god, or if they desire physical pleasure and raise the glass.

63

Who hasn’t seen truth grow and ripen on its slippery footing? I’ll tell you who. Those inclined toward science who think that today is like yesterday and tomorrow, and just like the very first day.

64

It’s a fine day - the breeze is warm and pure. Rain has washed the cheeks of the rose, and the nightingale calls to her: “I’m drunk on your perfume.”

65

Once a cup is made for wine, a drinker won’t let it break. For whose love, after all, were the ornaments sculpted? And whose hate broke so many heads?

66

The breeze of spring brightens the cheeks of the rose, just as the shadows of the garden soften the faces of lovers. No talk of yesterday moves me. Be happy today, don’t mention yesterday.

67

Know this my friend - you and your soul will be separated. You’ll pass behind the curtain of nonexistence. Be happy, you don’t know where you’re from. Drink wine, you don’t know where you’ll go.

68

One cup of wine is worth a hundred hearts and religions. One draft of wine is worth the kingdom of China. Except for ruby wine, there’s nothing bitter that’s worth a thousand sweet souls.

69

Here we are, drunken minstrels in this ruined tavern that frees us from the hope of mercy and the fear of punishment. Our souls, hearts and cups are filled with the wine that frees us from earth, wind, fire and water.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Coolio and the Gang

So I've lived at home for a couple weeks now. It is interesting to say that aside from a few new strip malls and a Fareway, Norwalk has remained entirely the same.

The Iowa State Fair is going to be my topic for the day, and that is big, because it is early in the day. I have attended twice now this year and gotten my fill of large animals, varied industries, and of course what I lovingly refer to as the freak show. The freak show happens around 9pm when (most of) the families leave and the midway fills with carnies, drunk teenagers, drunk adults, and a myriad of fun hairstyles, clothing choices, lifestyles, et cetera. It is truly the best of the best of Iowa. I can only stop and wonder what immediate judgement people make about me when I pass them by at 11pm with a margarita in hand, oohing and ahhing at the fireworks.

Every year, for 11 days, the fair hosts free concerts, usually by area artists and sometimes by and up and comer who wants to hit it big. This year, we had Coolio. What is fabulous about watching a Coolio concert is realizing that he is most likely bridging his 40's (if he isn't already there) and has still decided that the best hairstyle would come volcano-ing out of his hat through a pre-cut hole. Also, Coolio takes his new rap VERY seriously, but still played the three Coolio songs that I knew when I was too young to be listening to my brothers' CDs. Anyways, the concert was fun, the rest of the night was enjoyable, I move on to the bar...

So Coolio walks into a bar....
I compliment him on his show and get ignored, which I thought rude and unnecessary. Strike 1. Coolio is enticed into entering the DJ booth and freestyling for a few minutes. Definitely awesome, but I've heard friends freestyle better than Coolio, no judgement, let the guy get his last 15 minutes. Coolio begins hitting on girls my age, that I know, and is successful. Strike 2. This time for the girls. I know we're from Iowa but have some pride and go get on Twista when he comes to Iowa City, at least he is still swinging from the coattails of his fame. THEN Coolio buys a shot for the bar (awesome) but only keeps the offer open for a few minutes, so when I arrived at the bar from the patio, I missed the free shot. That my friend is strike 3. You're out.

But all in all I like a few of his new songs, and will most likely try to find his saxophone playing cousin on youtube because he was amazing!

Life is good in the hood.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

That was fun...Next?

So I've been home for approximately 48 hours. It was fun and all, but the last three weeks have made my location-attention span ridiculously short. So far I have: gone out with an old friend and seen people I sort of know so I smile instead of start a conversation; made pretend plans with friends who also have started their own lives and don't have time for the plans; made dinner for my parents and had lively discussion; visited grandparents; applied for jobs... Des Moines and Norwalk have very little to offer to my constantly active mind. Perhaps I will get a job or two soon and be able to congest my time with that and save some money.

Maria has been in communication with some people about a house in San Diego! Looks like we will be moving in in late December! I can't wait to go suck the life out of San Diego until I can find the time to get bored and then look for my next adventure.

I'm doing my best not to be in the waiting place and make the most out of living at home but it is hard to do, as I've discovered before. I have a few goals set for myself in order to truly enjoy my home instead of seeing it as passe. I have already cut my wardrobe in less than half. It feels good being able to get rid of things that were weighing me down and taking up space. I plan on getting a hold of a hospital in Des Moines that provides free amenities to people who really need the help. I figure there are hundreds of women my size in Des Moines that could certainly use the clothes that were forgetten in the back of my closet in favor of my usual jeans, tshirt, or sundress. As I mentioned before I've been applying for jobs like mad hoping that two or three respond positively (I'm used to not sleeping, and money would be fabulous right now!) If I happen to only get one or two jobs, I'd really like to look into what kind of volunteering Des Moines has to offer. And I'm reading. Lots and lots of reading!

But I know I can't not go to California, at least for a little bit. It's like going to a store and something fitting perfectly when you never expected it...you just can't leave it on the shelf you have to splurge, be a little spontaneous, maybe regret it for 20 minutes on the way home but put it on and realize "DAMN....this looks good on me" This has been Janssen's simile of the day :) enjoy accordingly

Anyways, I'm off to make poor decisions for my liver and waistline with tequila.

XO

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Home...hmmm

Well it's about 3 am and due to caffiene consumption I am NOT tired...

In 12 hours I will be on my flight back home to Des Moines. But coming home this time won't be the same as coming home has been for the past couple years. This time I have moved back in with my parents; no more Iowa City, no more school, just life. I am anticipating what it will be like to be back in Norwalk, back to old friends, back to life as a Windflower kid. Now that I'm 21 and not 17 I know things are bound to be different, and without school I'm about to run into a lot of free time. Also on the weird factor is that I am not going to be with Destiny 24/7 which will seem downright alien considering in the last 2 years I've gone literally two weeks without seeing her and we were in constant contact the whole time. Thank god I have unlimited texting for one, but for another we are both social bugs so I know we'll make friends to spend days with right away. Will the friendship change? I guess we'll see. I'm on the job market (again) which I hate because I always feel worthless when I'm not making money. This vacation has taken me down to about $ .75 in my bank account and was worth every single penny but now I'm in a bit of a pickle when it comes to everything else.

I am back in the in between place.

Destiny said something to me the other day that I have been marinating on: she said that the only thing tying me down to Des Moines or holding me back from going somewhere new is myself. I started to wonder about the barriers I have solidly in place for my life. Why don't I just pick up and move? The number one reason is of course lack of financial means to get me anywhere and feed me until I find a makeshift job. Number two is my family, I know I need to live my life but the excitement of moving far away is nearly equal to how much I know I will miss my parents and brothers. Even in Iowa City I sometimes felt too far. Lastly and maybe most prominently is the fact that I hate being alone. The thought of being in a city where no one knows me has always been a bit of a fantasy of mine, being able to have a completely clean slate, but it is also sort of terrifying.

So is being an adult.

Maria and D are both graduating come December and we started throwing the idea of an apartment in San Diego around. That would be a perfect opportunity to move forward and away but like many ideas only time will tell if it will actually happen.

I don't know. I suppose this blog doesn't have much of a point...I'm just stuck in my head right now and I figured a little writing would clear things up but it hasn't! I suppose I'll just close my eyes and think until I fall asleep!

Lullaby and goodnight, go to sleep now sweet baby
Close your eyes and start to yawn, pleasant dreams until the dawn.
When the sun starts to rise, you will wake feeling spry.
Start your day with a smile, life is really worth while.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

All good things come to an end

First night in Flagstaff we spent at a wine bar meeting new people and playing Taboo! We teamed up, girls vs. guys and although the guys tried to cheat to win, the girls owned it even with two of them speaking mostly in Spanish!! Yesterday we went to Sedona, AZ to hike around and look at rocks. Sedona is incredibly beautiful, and there are supposedly energy vortexes in strategic places caused by rocks and other other-worldly type stuff. I definitely felt the energy at Airport Mesa where we could climb onto the actual rock vortex. I felt like my hands fell asleep (the tingly) but they hadn't, super fun and weird. The second, Cathedral Rock, was gorgeous but I felt less energy because we didn't get very close to the actual rock. Instead, along our hike, we were distracted by a wading pool that had a rope swing in it! Not one to ignore an opportunity to jump off of something into a body of water I was hooked. When we came back to Jason's (our wonderful host/pizza iron chef) we were greeted with a homemade pizza party! 8 different delicious varieties of pizza, wine, good people, fun conversation, it was amazing. After the pizza party started to die down our party heated up with Drambuie, Crown Royal, and some ambiguous plastic bottle that was labeled "cranberry liquer" and tasted like cough syrup. Misspelling and taste aside we drank and drank and drank. Off to the bars again for some pool and dancing and fun. On the walk home Destiny decided to walk up to a random house party and ask for "Mike". Mike unfortunatley was not in attendance but we were invited to come in and listen to the live music for a bit. All in all Flagstaff was way fun, I could see myself living here much like I could see myself living all of the places we've visited and I loved.

Yesterday a tragic thing happened as well, I bought a plane ticket back to Des Moines from Phoenix. In a strange swing of things I was not able to use one of my flight vouchers so the ticket was way too expensive. It is like United knows I should just stay here and get a job, throw caution to the wind and live in Arizona for a while until I can move elsewhere. Sadly logic and responsibility have taken hold, maybe because I know that the vacation is over :(