In 12 hours I will be on my flight back home to Des Moines. But coming home this time won't be the same as coming home has been for the past couple years. This time I have moved back in with my parents; no more Iowa City, no more school, just life. I am anticipating what it will be like to be back in Norwalk, back to old friends, back to life as a Windflower kid. Now that I'm 21 and not 17 I know things are bound to be different, and without school I'm about to run into a lot of free time. Also on the weird factor is that I am not going to be with Destiny 24/7 which will seem downright alien considering in the last 2 years I've gone literally two weeks without seeing her and we were in constant contact the whole time. Thank god I have unlimited texting for one, but for another we are both social bugs so I know we'll make friends to spend days with right away. Will the friendship change? I guess we'll see. I'm on the job market (again) which I hate because I always feel worthless when I'm not making money. This vacation has taken me down to about $ .75 in my bank account and was worth every single penny but now I'm in a bit of a pickle when it comes to everything else.
I am back in the in between place.
Destiny said something to me the other day that I have been marinating on: she said that the only thing tying me down to Des Moines or holding me back from going somewhere new is myself. I started to wonder about the barriers I have solidly in place for my life. Why don't I just pick up and move? The number one reason is of course lack of financial means to get me anywhere and feed me until I find a makeshift job. Number two is my family, I know I need to live my life but the excitement of moving far away is nearly equal to how much I know I will miss my parents and brothers. Even in Iowa City I sometimes felt too far. Lastly and maybe most prominently is the fact that I hate being alone. The thought of being in a city where no one knows me has always been a bit of a fantasy of mine, being able to have a completely clean slate, but it is also sort of terrifying.
So is being an adult.
Maria and D are both graduating come December and we started throwing the idea of an apartment in San Diego around. That would be a perfect opportunity to move forward and away but like many ideas only time will tell if it will actually happen.
I don't know. I suppose this blog doesn't have much of a point...I'm just stuck in my head right now and I figured a little writing would clear things up but it hasn't! I suppose I'll just close my eyes and think until I fall asleep!
Lullaby and goodnight, go to sleep now sweet baby
Close your eyes and start to yawn, pleasant dreams until the dawn.
When the sun starts to rise, you will wake feeling spry.
Start your day with a smile, life is really worth while.
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