Living in the moment does not mean ignoring the rest of your moments. It just means embracing THIS moment without letting the others infringe upon it. Giving THIS moment the right to just be. Without bias. With love.
Three years ago, almost to the day, I was restless and lost. I didn't know where I wanted life ot take me or how to find out. I went to a psychic who told me to take my focus away from the end result and instead embrace the journey. "Embrace the journey?" I thought...yeah, like that was going to happen. I was graduating college and had the "real world" out there ominously inviting me to step up to bat. The thought stuck with me, but held no real ground until that summer.
Months later my life changed. Literally. If you are unfamiliar with my Dream Journey of 2009, it is well documented in previous blog posts. Basically the Universe opened up its arms and said "Hey Janssen. This is what that psychic was talking about. Now embrace the damn journey." During these three weeks a term was coined among our group: Momenting.
Momenting (verb) - what occurs when you are so involved in the present that everything around you stands still, and all that matters is what is happening right now. It's like feeling pure energy and love rush into you.
A lot of people experience momenting, mostly during orgasm. Some people are open to momenting at concerts and raves. Some during yoga and meditation. A select and lucky few in day to day life.
As I revisit this word, this idea, I want it. I want it every day. All of my moments. I want to moment in the grocery store. I want to moment at work. I want to moment in my dreams. Because why not? Why not try to radiate energy and love through every pore of your being? Why not become a transparency, a conductor for teh love and light and Ultimate that surrounds us? This is where we see true beauty, feel true joy, experience true awe. And we have the ability to do this every second that ticks by while we wait for something profound to happen.
The profound doesn't happen to us in miracles or extremes. The profound is happening right now as you're reading this. It is an opportunity that goes overlooked, a flower that you pass every day and fail to see, a person who you walk past who really needed that smile.
So my challenge to you is to EXPERIENCE your moments. Try momenting even if it is just for a night. It will change everything or nothing or some things. But what might you miss if you don't pay attention?
Peace and Love :)
Friday, March 2, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Belly Goddess
Sunday evening I was hanging out at my yoga class as usual, enjoying some reggae and some flow and some general goodness. I had had a particularly stressful week and weekend and was really getting into my Shavasana for some much needed stillness.
My mind is quite loquacious which makes meditation and stillness pretty difficult, so I usually struggle with a focus during this portion of the class. With my hands on my belly I started to look inward and really hear and feel my breathing, and what I noticed was my heartbeat. There is was, pounding away in my belly like that were a completely normal place for one to feel their pulse. I have felt my belly pulse before, after a hard core workout or a truly mindblowing sexual encounter, but had never stopped to notice that it is there when I'm just at rest and glowing with post-yoga energy.
Then I started to think about all the other places I can feel my pulse: forehead, throat, heart, hands, lady business...
All of these parts of my body flow my life giving blood so forcefully through my veins that I can feel it. All these parts of my body are capable of giving love and life to me. And maybe to the world?
How to I give my love to the world? Through my thoughts, my words, keeping my heart open, my touch, my sex...
And so it seems, through my belly. Now I am not proud to admit that I have spent a long long time hating my belly. It was too soft, too round, too squishy, the button is too small, the curves aren't just right. Only recently have I been doing significant work mentally to accept and love ALL the parts of my body, even the squishy areas. So I did a little research on the power of a woman's belly. We all know that we can create and nurture a new life there. There are some cultures long ago that actually worshipped the power contained in and represented by a woman's belly. They were not supposed to be hard and flat and cold, but rather warm and full of love and life. There is even a belly goddess, Baubo, whose sole purpose was to spread joy and laughter and light to the other goddesses by dancing around and flashing her lady business and telling dirty jokes.
Our bellies are ENTIRELY made of love. They are there to give that love to the world. And in that moment, laying on my mat, I could feel the life force and love pulsing through my belly. It was sort of amazing.
So maybe I shouldn't hate that little squishy round pile of love so much. Maybe I should embrace it. Enjoy what it can do for me. Listen to it when it tells me something is wrong or everything is right. Stop shoving it into tight spaces that hide it from the world, stop covering it up with my hands when I'm out in public, stop sucking it in so hard that sometimes I realize I'm not even breathing. And just LOVE.
Because after all, what am I but a Belly Goddess, just waiting to dance :)
My mind is quite loquacious which makes meditation and stillness pretty difficult, so I usually struggle with a focus during this portion of the class. With my hands on my belly I started to look inward and really hear and feel my breathing, and what I noticed was my heartbeat. There is was, pounding away in my belly like that were a completely normal place for one to feel their pulse. I have felt my belly pulse before, after a hard core workout or a truly mindblowing sexual encounter, but had never stopped to notice that it is there when I'm just at rest and glowing with post-yoga energy.
Then I started to think about all the other places I can feel my pulse: forehead, throat, heart, hands, lady business...
All of these parts of my body flow my life giving blood so forcefully through my veins that I can feel it. All these parts of my body are capable of giving love and life to me. And maybe to the world?
How to I give my love to the world? Through my thoughts, my words, keeping my heart open, my touch, my sex...
And so it seems, through my belly. Now I am not proud to admit that I have spent a long long time hating my belly. It was too soft, too round, too squishy, the button is too small, the curves aren't just right. Only recently have I been doing significant work mentally to accept and love ALL the parts of my body, even the squishy areas. So I did a little research on the power of a woman's belly. We all know that we can create and nurture a new life there. There are some cultures long ago that actually worshipped the power contained in and represented by a woman's belly. They were not supposed to be hard and flat and cold, but rather warm and full of love and life. There is even a belly goddess, Baubo, whose sole purpose was to spread joy and laughter and light to the other goddesses by dancing around and flashing her lady business and telling dirty jokes.
Our bellies are ENTIRELY made of love. They are there to give that love to the world. And in that moment, laying on my mat, I could feel the life force and love pulsing through my belly. It was sort of amazing.
So maybe I shouldn't hate that little squishy round pile of love so much. Maybe I should embrace it. Enjoy what it can do for me. Listen to it when it tells me something is wrong or everything is right. Stop shoving it into tight spaces that hide it from the world, stop covering it up with my hands when I'm out in public, stop sucking it in so hard that sometimes I realize I'm not even breathing. And just LOVE.
Because after all, what am I but a Belly Goddess, just waiting to dance :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
2011 year in review
2011 has been quite the year. It is my second year in San Diego, living on my own and pretending to be a grown up. I have found a few things out about myself in this faux adulthood I've created:
1) I am the worst grown up ever. (How was I supposed to know that 'leasing' and 'buying' a car was different? All my cars I bought in cash, usually from distant cousins)
2) I have the attention span of a goldfish. This is especially apparent in my constantly shifting ideas of what specific diet and exercise regime I adhere to.
3) I place entirely too many of my eggs in the 'it will be okay in the end' basket. That basket is getting pretty full, and I have a sneaking suspicion some of my eggs are about to crack on the 'life teaches you lessons the hard way' sidewalk.
That being said, I've managed pretty well on my own. Yes there have been bumps in the road, but I am thankful to say that because of my incredibly generous parents and wonderful friends I have been able to negotiate them with minimal scarring.
January - Unemployment taught me that I would be a good housewife, but after 3 weeks of cooking and cleaning I would probably end up on that show "Snapped"
February - Re-employment! The Navy, however, taught me that it can and will steal 70% of my friends and hide them far far away while I try and figure life out on my own.
March - Delightfully uneventful, giving me the opportunity to lose 15lbs
April - I discover the joys and expenses of living in a one bedroom apartment. I also move closer to the beach which gives me endless joy.
May - Serious introspection ensues after living alone without cable or internet. Also my car breaks down. And I meet a boy.
June - Hey this guy seems fun, and I get my car back, woo!
July - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Destiny comes to visit! Why is this guy still sticking around, should I think about this? To be determined
August - Aw man, he's a douchebag like the rest of them. But I get to go home and mope about it with Destiny and maybe some taco pizza. Also I get my job that I loved so much last year back, and I can start saving money again! Yay good things weigh out douchebags, the world makes sense again :)
September-December....stay tuned
Peace out girlscout
1) I am the worst grown up ever. (How was I supposed to know that 'leasing' and 'buying' a car was different? All my cars I bought in cash, usually from distant cousins)
2) I have the attention span of a goldfish. This is especially apparent in my constantly shifting ideas of what specific diet and exercise regime I adhere to.
3) I place entirely too many of my eggs in the 'it will be okay in the end' basket. That basket is getting pretty full, and I have a sneaking suspicion some of my eggs are about to crack on the 'life teaches you lessons the hard way' sidewalk.
That being said, I've managed pretty well on my own. Yes there have been bumps in the road, but I am thankful to say that because of my incredibly generous parents and wonderful friends I have been able to negotiate them with minimal scarring.
January - Unemployment taught me that I would be a good housewife, but after 3 weeks of cooking and cleaning I would probably end up on that show "Snapped"
February - Re-employment! The Navy, however, taught me that it can and will steal 70% of my friends and hide them far far away while I try and figure life out on my own.
March - Delightfully uneventful, giving me the opportunity to lose 15lbs
April - I discover the joys and expenses of living in a one bedroom apartment. I also move closer to the beach which gives me endless joy.
May - Serious introspection ensues after living alone without cable or internet. Also my car breaks down. And I meet a boy.
June - Hey this guy seems fun, and I get my car back, woo!
July - IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Destiny comes to visit! Why is this guy still sticking around, should I think about this? To be determined
August - Aw man, he's a douchebag like the rest of them. But I get to go home and mope about it with Destiny and maybe some taco pizza. Also I get my job that I loved so much last year back, and I can start saving money again! Yay good things weigh out douchebags, the world makes sense again :)
September-December....stay tuned
Peace out girlscout
Monday, February 21, 2011
I am like the Ocean
I had a long walk and a bonding session with the Ocean today, and I found out we're a lot alike.
I am like the Ocean. When I am stagnant, things die, when I rage, things get destroyed, and when I am steady I bring life and energy into everything.
I am like the Ocean. I have pollution from my life and past lives that I cannot change, but that I can push through. I know that I must make a conscious effort to stop polluting myself with negative things and energies and ideas in order to continue to thrive. I do not give up even though the world dumps it's garbage on me, because I am strong enough and big enough to overcome.
I am like the Ocean. I am constantly rediscovering and recreating myself. I can use the world around me to change and move and be vital.
I am like the Ocean. There are parts of me so deep even I don't understand them, and parts of me so shallow you can see every living thing underneath.
I am like the Ocean.
I am like the Ocean. When I am stagnant, things die, when I rage, things get destroyed, and when I am steady I bring life and energy into everything.
I am like the Ocean. I have pollution from my life and past lives that I cannot change, but that I can push through. I know that I must make a conscious effort to stop polluting myself with negative things and energies and ideas in order to continue to thrive. I do not give up even though the world dumps it's garbage on me, because I am strong enough and big enough to overcome.
I am like the Ocean. I am constantly rediscovering and recreating myself. I can use the world around me to change and move and be vital.
I am like the Ocean. There are parts of me so deep even I don't understand them, and parts of me so shallow you can see every living thing underneath.
I am like the Ocean.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Hulie: An Ode to my Hula Hoops
I love hula hooping. Supposedly now that I'm in my 20s and no longer wear Osh Kosh overalls I'm to call it "hoop dancing" but I call it hula hooping.
I own three hula hoops. The first is a classic, yellow with flashing lights, bought at Target. Her name is Hulie and she got me through some tough days in college. The second is another yellow hula hoop, made for grown ups, with shiny tape spiraling around it. Though it remains nameless, I have mastered different skills and honed my bad ass-ness. The third is brand new, also nameless, and serves a fun purpose. It is weighted, and rainbow colored, and makes everything that much more challenging!
There is nothing quite like the pure joy I get when I'm hula hooping. I will just stand in my living room for an hour, switching directions and spinning around and trying to hoop on different limbs. Sometimes I watch TV, sometimes I put on music and try to stay on beat. Whether it is for 5 minutes or 40, hula hooping is one of my favorite things to do with my body.
When people come over to my apartment, they are first intrigued, then embarrassed, then usually they too discover the joy of hula hooping! Everyone can at least keep the weighted hoop up for a couple of beats, and a few of my friends are even improving!
So that is what is making me happy today, and I strongly encourage you to go to Target and buy a hula hoop of your own. I swear, it's happiness magic!
I own three hula hoops. The first is a classic, yellow with flashing lights, bought at Target. Her name is Hulie and she got me through some tough days in college. The second is another yellow hula hoop, made for grown ups, with shiny tape spiraling around it. Though it remains nameless, I have mastered different skills and honed my bad ass-ness. The third is brand new, also nameless, and serves a fun purpose. It is weighted, and rainbow colored, and makes everything that much more challenging!
There is nothing quite like the pure joy I get when I'm hula hooping. I will just stand in my living room for an hour, switching directions and spinning around and trying to hoop on different limbs. Sometimes I watch TV, sometimes I put on music and try to stay on beat. Whether it is for 5 minutes or 40, hula hooping is one of my favorite things to do with my body.
When people come over to my apartment, they are first intrigued, then embarrassed, then usually they too discover the joy of hula hooping! Everyone can at least keep the weighted hoop up for a couple of beats, and a few of my friends are even improving!
So that is what is making me happy today, and I strongly encourage you to go to Target and buy a hula hoop of your own. I swear, it's happiness magic!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
I Love My Body - A New Year's Resolution
Let's preface this new year with a little background on my recent introspection. I have finally realized what I want to do with my education. No, I'll rephrase that. I have finally realized what I want to achieve with my education. I want every girl, preteen, tween, twenty year old, and woman on this planet to have a mostly positive if not 100% positive body image. We spend years of our lives pinching and squeezing and dieting and judging for what? To be viewed as sexy. So what is sexy? Who defines what a woman's body should look like? And who enforces these rules? I have found that the answers to these questions have created a deficit in our culture.
What is sexy? (I used the dictionary for this one.)
- 1. Concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risque
2. Sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality
3. Excitingly appealing; glamorous
Who defines what a woman's body should look like?
- Men. Not in the sense that there is a committee of twelve men in white wigs with gavels judging images of women and then sending a cavalry out to announce "Thou shalt express sex appeal in this way" but in the sense that we live in a patriarchal society. When men are still the gateway to our economic and social livelihoods even in the slightest sense, and when a monogamous, heterosexual marriage and a nuclear family are still the American Dream,it is safe to say that men define sexuality.
Who enforces body image rules?
- Women. We are cold, calculating, judgmental, and horrible to each other. Seriously. Look in our fashion and beauty magazines, there aren't pictures of men splattered all over the pages telling us how to lose 10 pounds and be great lovers, only pictures of airbrushed and impossibly beautiful women. We look in the mirror and tell ourselves "I am too fat for this" then we go to the club and see another woman and say "Oh my god she looks horrible in that" and we talk to our mothers and sisters and friends about our latest ditch efforts to achieve perfection. None of us are happy. We don't love ourselves, we don't love each other, and we cycle all of this hatred into fad diets and beauty magazines and incessant conversation about how we recently lost weight or tried being a vegetarian or read Skinny Bitch and renewed how badly we feel about ourselves. It is this horrible civil war of girl on girl aggression that perpetuates the myth that we have to look a certain way to be accepted by society.
How is any of this sane?
It isn't, and I don't know how to fix it. But I do know that if I talk about it, and maybe throw some positive light into this period of darkness, maybe I can start to take a crack at the sick cycle. So that is what I'm going to do. I am dedicating this blog to how much I LOVE MY BODY. Because I do. I have struggled with body image and I have gained weight and lost weight and done crazy things to fit into the mold of what someone else defines as sexy and I honestly got tired. This year, this new beginning will be when I start the charge on ending negativity.
I figured out that no matter what I do, my body reverts back to the same comfortable weight, so I stopped fighting with that and started accepting that numbers have and always will piss me off. So I'm done worrying about BMI,and what ways I can soothe myself by seeing three different digits on that little electronic scale that sits by my toilet.
I figured out that I really don't like exercising. I don't like gyms. I don't like running in circles for no reason when what I really want to be doing is sleeping. I do however like moving, hiking, walking, pushing my limits, etc. It makes me feel good. So I'll do that instead.
I figured out that when I eat what I'm craving, I eat pretty healthfully. I am not a vegetarian. I think being vegan goes against nature (you really shouldn't have to work that hard to find food that fits your 'lifestyle'). I love cheese, I crave steak, and if someone told me to stop eating carbs they would get the express route out of my life. I like eating when I'm hungry, whenever that is. It is more often when I'm hormonal and less when I'm busy. I like wine.
I want to start writing about things that make my body feel good, that make my mind feel good. My goal is to make others start to think about what makes their bodies and minds feel good and to stop worrying so much about the other stuff. It's about accepting what you have and doing what makes you happy and moving and using our bodies for what they were built for : living.
I forgot how good it feels to rant about something.
Happy New Year 2011!
What is sexy? (I used the dictionary for this one.)
- 1. Concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risque
2. Sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality
3. Excitingly appealing; glamorous
Who defines what a woman's body should look like?
- Men. Not in the sense that there is a committee of twelve men in white wigs with gavels judging images of women and then sending a cavalry out to announce "Thou shalt express sex appeal in this way" but in the sense that we live in a patriarchal society. When men are still the gateway to our economic and social livelihoods even in the slightest sense, and when a monogamous, heterosexual marriage and a nuclear family are still the American Dream,it is safe to say that men define sexuality.
Who enforces body image rules?
- Women. We are cold, calculating, judgmental, and horrible to each other. Seriously. Look in our fashion and beauty magazines, there aren't pictures of men splattered all over the pages telling us how to lose 10 pounds and be great lovers, only pictures of airbrushed and impossibly beautiful women. We look in the mirror and tell ourselves "I am too fat for this" then we go to the club and see another woman and say "Oh my god she looks horrible in that" and we talk to our mothers and sisters and friends about our latest ditch efforts to achieve perfection. None of us are happy. We don't love ourselves, we don't love each other, and we cycle all of this hatred into fad diets and beauty magazines and incessant conversation about how we recently lost weight or tried being a vegetarian or read Skinny Bitch and renewed how badly we feel about ourselves. It is this horrible civil war of girl on girl aggression that perpetuates the myth that we have to look a certain way to be accepted by society.
How is any of this sane?
It isn't, and I don't know how to fix it. But I do know that if I talk about it, and maybe throw some positive light into this period of darkness, maybe I can start to take a crack at the sick cycle. So that is what I'm going to do. I am dedicating this blog to how much I LOVE MY BODY. Because I do. I have struggled with body image and I have gained weight and lost weight and done crazy things to fit into the mold of what someone else defines as sexy and I honestly got tired. This year, this new beginning will be when I start the charge on ending negativity.
I figured out that no matter what I do, my body reverts back to the same comfortable weight, so I stopped fighting with that and started accepting that numbers have and always will piss me off. So I'm done worrying about BMI,and what ways I can soothe myself by seeing three different digits on that little electronic scale that sits by my toilet.
I figured out that I really don't like exercising. I don't like gyms. I don't like running in circles for no reason when what I really want to be doing is sleeping. I do however like moving, hiking, walking, pushing my limits, etc. It makes me feel good. So I'll do that instead.
I figured out that when I eat what I'm craving, I eat pretty healthfully. I am not a vegetarian. I think being vegan goes against nature (you really shouldn't have to work that hard to find food that fits your 'lifestyle'). I love cheese, I crave steak, and if someone told me to stop eating carbs they would get the express route out of my life. I like eating when I'm hungry, whenever that is. It is more often when I'm hormonal and less when I'm busy. I like wine.
I want to start writing about things that make my body feel good, that make my mind feel good. My goal is to make others start to think about what makes their bodies and minds feel good and to stop worrying so much about the other stuff. It's about accepting what you have and doing what makes you happy and moving and using our bodies for what they were built for : living.
I forgot how good it feels to rant about something.
Happy New Year 2011!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
It's almost the end/It's almost the beginning
In a few short weeks I will be celebrating my one year anniversary with San Diego. I started this adventure (2010) unemployed, partying, and happy. I will begin a new adventure (2011) unemployed, partying, and happy. I love life.
Quick bullet points of the last few months:
I got laid off
Corporate America is a butthead
I'm applying for more butthead jobs because health insurance rocks
I'm seriously considering overseas volunteering
Life has been tumultuous and loving and great as usual
LaLaLove.
J
Quick bullet points of the last few months:
I got laid off
Corporate America is a butthead
I'm applying for more butthead jobs because health insurance rocks
I'm seriously considering overseas volunteering
Life has been tumultuous and loving and great as usual
LaLaLove.
J
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